I just had the worse dream ever in my whole life. It was my first dream of Mary since I who knows how long. Maybe its the combination of all night partying and alcohol that caused me to have this dream. I really don't have many dreams about her. Once I think about it, I don't really dream about her.
Anyways, it goes like this and I've already forgotten how it has lead up to this, but I ended up meeting up with a really really pretty girl who supposely worked with me. I am assuming in the dream I am still in NYC and Mary and I have not restored our relationship to be in the same city to be with each other. In the dream I think Mary and I were still working out the long distance relationship. I don't really know how long I have been in NYC but it seemed it was for awhile. Anyways, I come back to this girls Manhattan apartment and realize it was a bit bigger than I expected. I can't recall how old she was or where I was working at the time, but I just know we met each other at work and decided to hang out.
Well, we went back to her apartment for some reason and it seemed that her boyfriend or something had just left her or had left her awhile back and she was still living with her. I am not really sure. Its kind of a blur. Anyways, I walk in, sit on the couch and she pulls the sheets from somewhere and makes me smell them. She ask me "what does this smell like," and I'm like "I don't know what does it smell like." She tells me, "Someone has been having sex." I know that really sounds gross, but thats what happen in the dream. I think the mood kind of started to get a bit somber and we started to comfort each other. Next thing I know I am kissing this girl and it just felt kind of right but wrong. We were both were about to cheat on our significant others on each other.
All of a sudden, this girl is feeling really emotional and like reassures me if we were doing the right thing, and she starts talking about some kind of funeral. Saying, "well we can't have the funeral reception in the backyard at my parents house, we will have to have it somewhere else." I ask her, "hey, I know we just met at work and I talk to you and whatever, but I'm really sorry, who died?" Then she said, "Mary." After she said that, my chest just caved in and this feeling I have never felt before came over me. I started crying and before a tear could shed, I found myself walking in the street in Brooklyn.
Either this went to another dream or it was part of the same dream, but next thing I know, the "next scene," I am walking down Berry and N11 area in Brooklyn near Beacons closet and the Brooklyn Brewery. It is way in the future, because there were people around, more people around and I am handing a needle to someone to my left and smoking a cigarette in my right.. I was thinking, "wow, I better, put that needle in some kind of case."
I woke after that and lied there for a bit, and txt Mary. I want to call really bad, but its about 9 or so in the morn in Austin. She is in Austin with a couple of friends right now and I don't want to spoil her fun. I am sure she is sleeping anyways.
Anyone who knows me knows that me doing drugs and smoking ciggerettes is not me. So my life in the dream had gotten so bad that I was shooting heroin and smoking.
By the way, I haven't posted this thing in forever. I think I am trying to post more often since I am living in NYC. Just to document my time here. I am going to read through past entries now. :) probably look at Mary's entries as well. hope I don't find anything I don't want in there.